My So-Called Glamorous Life

An update of what I’ve been up to in LA over the last week…

1. I’ve been watching a lot of Friends. You know, because no one told me life was gonna be this way…

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2. I’ve also been watching the new Gilmore Girls series, and it’s freaking me out how relatable Rory’s life is to me right now. (Especially because everyone is like, “Get your shit together, Rory.”)

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3. I’ve spent a lot of time applying for jobs in the hope that I will land one soon. Mainly because I really like money, and it makes me cry when I don’t have any.

4. I’m also starting to wonder if maybe I should have ticked “yes” instead of “no” on the visa application form where it asked, “Would you ever engage in prostitution?” Looking back, it seems like it could have been a job opportunity. Plus, things worked out okay for Julia Roberts – she met Richard Gere and eventually won an Oscar.

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5. I did some washing, but I didn’t have enough money left on my laundry card to dry it, so I had to lay my clothes and towels out all over my apartment, open the windows and let the sun and air dry it. I think the neighbours think I’m running a laundromat out of my apartment, which is probably one of the best business ideas I’ve had in a really long time.

6. A guy pushed in front of me at Starbucks, and my instinct was to cry. In hindsight, this was probably a gross overreaction. I should have just kicked him in the groin and run away. But I was feeling lonely and I’d just received a bill addressed to “Gemeter Stamell”, so I was extremely vulnerable. Also, I really hope Starbucks screwed up his order. Karma, bitch!

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7. Immediately after this, I went to the supermarket to pick up some milk, bread and bagels. I handed the lady at the cash register a $20 bill, and she snapped at me and told me I needed to unfold it for her. I told her that I’d be able to unfold it for her if my arms weren’t full of milk, bread and bagels, but since she wanted to charge me for a plastic bag, she’d have to unfold it herself. Then I lugged my groceries home. Without a bag.

8. I went to my friend, Rachel’s 30th birthday, where I got to talk to some of her lovely friends. I told them it was the most face-to-face interaction I’d had with anyone since talking to the cashier at Best Buy on Wednesday. Rachel’s party was on Friday night.

9. I had the following conversation with Rachel’s friend, Eliza…

Me: “What am I doing with my life?!”

Eliza: “What do you mean?! You’re taking a chance! Do you know how brave you are?! So many people don’t have the guts to do this! When I was 18, I decided I wanted to move to Israel, so I did.”

Me: “How did that work out for you?”

Eliza: “Hated it. I moved back after a month. But at least I tried! Just give it a go!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t buy four plates and four glasses for nothing.”

10. I realised just how Australian I really am (I’d seriously never noticed before), when I dropped the terms “budgie smuggler” and “goon bag” within minutes of each other while having lunch with my new American friend, Amanda. (And I’ve never been prouder.)

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11. I broke down in hysterical tears again while FaceTiming with my friend, Sarah in Australia. I seem to be crying a lot these days. It’s like whoever is in charge of my emotions is punishing me for hardly ever crying over the last 33 years. I’ve seen Inside Out. I know how this works.

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