In case you missed it – or are a well-rounded adult off living your life – Louis Tomlinson from One Direction welcomed a baby boy last week. That’s right, the kids from One Direction are now having kids – where does the madness end?! I remember when Louis was just a little boy sticking pegs on his face… Oh, wait. That was last year.
The baby’s name? Sydney Rain. That’s right – Sydney Rain. No, that’s not a weather forecast, and in my opinion, it’s just another reason why celebrities shouldn’t be trusted to have children.
Look, I know we’ve been experiencing some especially shitty weather in Sydney lately, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to name your kid Sydney Rain. One day – God willing – the storm clouds will disappear from the sky and then what? Will he be expected to change his name to Sydney Sunshine? Because let me tell you, having recently legally changed my name, I can assure you – it’s a pain in the ass.
Take it from someone with a unique name. While it may be considered “cool” as an adult – it’s “different” and “unusual” as Kath and/or Kim may say – it’s not that easy when you’re growing up in a sea full of Kates and Amys.
My parents are called Jim and Mary – do you think they had any idea what they were doing when they named their daughter Demeter? Of course not. And I drew the long straw! At least I was named after a Greek goddess/the prison guards at Azkaban. My sister’s name is Patrice, which is the French version of Patrick, as my French friend, Florian likes to remind me. She’s a girl! Try explaining that one in France.
What happened, Louis? Did you have a stroke while you were naming your baby? And for a moment, I thought getting wasted and riding bareback with a money-grabbing groupie was the stupidest thing you’d ever done. How wrong I was…
I’m here to help, so here are some alternatives to Sydney Rain – just think about it, okay…?
Sunny With a Chance of Showers
Although significantly longer than Sydney Rain, you have to admit, it has a nice ring to it.
Time to step it up, Louis! Why stop at the weather when you can go for world-renowned landmarks? The sky’s the limit!
Another thing Sydney is famous for. Yep, rain and ferries – that’s all we’ve got.
Still not as bad as Sydney Rain.
Vanilla Ice Cream
Kind of like Vanilla Ice, the rapper, but with Cream to avoid any legal repercussions.
In keeping with the theme…
So, Louis, if you’re reading this (as I’m sure you are), I urge you to rethink your child’s name before you go and do something else stupid, like get it printed on a birth certificate or tattoo it on your neck. Make better life choices, Louis.
UPDATE: Louis has just announced the baby’s name and it is (**drumroll, please**)… Freddie Reign! Which is a definite improvement on Sydney Rain. Glad you took my advice, Louis. Your child will thank you.