Let It Rain

In case you missed it – or are a well-rounded adult off living your life – Louis Tomlinson from One Direction welcomed a baby boy last week. That’s right, the kids from One Direction are now having kids – where does the madness end?! I remember when Louis was just a little boy sticking pegs on his face… Oh, wait. That was last year.

Looking good, Louis.

The baby’s name? Sydney Rain. That’s right – Sydney Rain. No, that’s not a weather forecast, and in my opinion, it’s just another reason why celebrities shouldn’t be trusted to have children.

Look, I know we’ve been experiencing some especially shitty weather in Sydney lately, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to name your kid Sydney Rain. One day – God willing – the storm clouds will disappear from the sky and then what? Will he be expected to change his name to Sydney Sunshine? Because let me tell you, having recently legally changed my name, I can assure you – it’s a pain in the ass.

It won’t rain forever, Louis!

Take it from someone with a unique name. While it may be considered “cool” as an adult – it’s “different” and “unusual” as Kath and/or Kim may say – it’s not that easy when you’re growing up in a sea full of Kates and Amys.

Kath and Kim may approve. Nobody else does.

My parents are called Jim and Mary – do you think they had any idea what they were doing when they named their daughter Demeter? Of course not. And I drew the long straw! At least I was named after a Greek goddess/the prison guards at Azkaban. My sister’s name is Patrice, which is the French version of Patrick, as my French friend, Florian likes to remind me. She’s a girl! Try explaining that one in France.

Thanks, Mum and Dad.

What happened, Louis? Did you have a stroke while you were naming your baby? And for a moment, I thought getting wasted and riding bareback with a money-grabbing groupie was the stupidest thing you’d ever done. How wrong I was…

Don’t do her, Louis!

I’m here to help, so here are some alternatives to Sydney Rain – just think about it, okay…?

Sunny With a Chance of Showers

Although significantly longer than Sydney Rain, you have to admit, it has a nice ring to it.

Eiffel Tower

Time to step it up, Louis! Why stop at the weather when you can go for world-renowned landmarks? The sky’s the limit!

The world’s your oyster…

Manly Ferry

Another thing Sydney is famous for. Yep, rain and ferries – that’s all we’ve got.


Smelly Shoes

Still not as bad as Sydney Rain.

Vanilla Ice Cream

Kind of like Vanilla Ice, the rapper, but with Cream to avoid any legal repercussions.

I don’t want any legal trouble.

Tokyo Cloud

In keeping with the theme…

So, Louis, if you’re reading this (as I’m sure you are), I urge you to rethink your child’s name before you go and do something else stupid, like get it printed on a birth certificate or tattoo it on your neck. Make better life choices, Louis.


UPDATE: Louis has just announced the baby’s name and it is (**drumroll, please**)… Freddie Reign! Which is a definite improvement on Sydney Rain. Glad you took my advice, Louis. Your child will thank you.

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Another Year Over…

Well, Christmas is over for another year – wasn’t that fun? And now we’ve officially entered 2016…

I’m not going to lie – the general mood of 2015 was shit. Personally, I couldn’t wait to see the back of it and then kick its ass on the way out.


I’m not usually one of those “bring on [insert year here]” people. I’m generally the person trying to hit the brakes on time while wondering where my youth went (I think I left it somewhere around 1998…). But by May of 2015, I was ready to skip ahead to 2016.

Last year was without a doubt one of the most challenging years of my life. If I’m being honest, I feel like 2015 took a giant dump on my head. Let’s face it – Zayn would never have left One Direction in 2014. Just saying…

This wasn’t me, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it.

But every cloud has a silver lining, and I feel like I learnt a lot. I also grew up a lot (and at 32, it’s probably about bloody time). I discovered I’m stronger than I thought, and I realised there’s only so much we have control over in life. Sometimes you just have to let go, hope for the best but prepare for the worst, and roll with the punches life throws at you – and let me tell you, there were a lot of punches thrown in 2015.

Oprah gets me.

For a start, I dislocated my shoulder – three times. The last dislocation happened on December 29 – it’s like my body was just trying to squeeze one more in before the New Year. You know, just for shits and giggles (dislocated shoulders are no laughing matter)… I thought all this was finally behind me after undergoing painful shoulder surgery in 2011. Aside from spending my birthday and New Years in a sling (happy everything to me), it really took a toll on me mentally, and months of ongoing physiotherapy has followed. I’ll most likely need another operation too. I know there are worse ailments, and if this is my biggest health concern, I’m not doing too badly, but it took a lot for me to accept that I’ll never be a professional breakdancer.

I had dreams…

In May, my grandfather suffered a massive heart attack and spent the next couple of months in and out of hospital. There were a few days when we weren’t sure he was going to make it, and it was an extremely difficult time for the whole family, especially my grandmother. I fully understand just how lucky we are to still have him here, and I’m grateful everyday.

My grandmother’s health also started to deteriorate in 2015, and it was devastating to realise that my grandparents – who up until last year were probably fitter than I am – were growing old and frail. Another reminder not to take anything or anyone for granted.

With my grandparents on Christmas Day.

In June, one of my best friends, Sylvia also found herself in hospital with a chronic illness (I swear, if I never see another hospital, it will be too soon). I know last year was especially difficult for Syl, and as her friend, it was hard to see her suffering, both physically and emotionally.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg… Almost every person you talk to had some sort of drama last year. Even the cat fell sick! (She’s fine – it was just the flu. Apparently cats get the flu.)

But it wasn’t all bad. In between all the shitty stuff, I managed to squeeze in lots of travelling, both domestically and internationally (any year that involves Disneyland is okay with me). I helped my nearest and dearest celebrate some major milestones – namely babies and weddings. I made some amazing new friends and reconnected with some cherished old ones. I started this blog (you’re welcome, world). Prince Harry grew a beard. And in September, I was lucky enough to be given an exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (but more on that later). Needless to say (despite probably needing another shoulder operation and currently being sick with tonsillitis) I’m feeling good about 2016… The second half of 2016 anyway.

Hello, Prince Handsome.

Wishing you all a very happy 2016. Hope it’s the year all your wildest dreams come true! xx