I know you have a weird aversion to Halloween – it’s kind of the way I feel about capers (peas gone wrong). But just hear me out! I would be willing to swap out any of the following days in exchange for Halloween…
Okay, before you go calling me “un-Australian” (thanks, John Howard), keep in mind that Australia Day is actually a day of mourning in the Aboriginal community. Do we really want to dance on the graves of the original inhabitants of this country? Haven’t they been through enough? While we used to celebrate all things good about Australia, these days, Australia Day has become little more than an excuse to get drunk, put on a beer singlet, and behave in a way that’s racist and aggressive. In other words, it’s just an average Wednesday night for some people.
New Year’s Eve
Has anyone ever had a New Year’s Eve that’s better than ANY other night of the year? I mean, seriously? While I’ve definitely had some fun New Year’s, there’s always so much pressure involved, and it never quite lives up to the hype. On January 2, people will already be asking what you’ve got planned for NEXT New Year’s Eve. “You’d better get moving!” they’ll say. “There’s only 363 days to go!” Also, I’ve had some especially shitty New Year’s. One year, we had to euthanise our cat at 6pm on NYE. Last year, I sat in a doctors surgery waiting room, sick with strep throat. My immune system didn’t care that it was New Year’s Eve…
State of Origin
I’m not afraid to say that I know very little about sports and even less about the State of Origin. My cousins in Brisbane get into it, but maybe that’s because Queensland wins every year… I don’t even know which team is which. One year, I tried to force myself into caring, and then three quarters through the game, discovered I’d been cheering for the wrong team. I just gave up and flicked the channel over to a repeat of Friends instead.
Or as I like to call it, “The Hunger Games For Horses”. Every year, a horse seems to die in this cruel and unnecessary “race that stops the nation”, all so people can wear fancy hats, drink champagne and gamble away their hard-earned money, before stumbling home barefoot with their high heels in their hands. Think about that the next time you buy a glue stick…
I hope you take my opinions onboard, and I look forward to celebrating Halloween with you in the very near future.